by Dawn North

Candles are being lit and plates are being loaded with chunks of coarse white bread while stoneware goblets are filled with a sweet purple liquid. All in preparation for the Sunday morning tradition of communion at Redemption Church in Olathe. The two volunteers couldn’t be less alike. One, 5’2” female with poofy hair and blue eyes who now pays a reduced ticket price at movies and for an afternoon at the pool. The other, a 6’2” ball-cap-wearing male with scruffy hair and deeply tanned skin who lives in a tent in the woods and rarely goes to movies or to the city pool.

This tall, gregarious guy is D.M.E. (The aging one with poofy hair is me.) His real name is Dennis, an upbeat, warm-hearted person who can often be seen wearing a Chiefs, Royals or Jayhawks t-shirt showing his team loyalty, much like the rest of us Kansas City sports fanatics. One difference might be where we shop for those shirts. Instead of Target or Academy Sports, D.M.E.’s shirts were probably donations to church clothing drives or thrift stores by someone like you.

Dennis has chosen a different way than most. He didn’t plan for it to happen. A little over ten years ago, he moved from his brother’s home because he didn’t like the drugs and the lifestyles that were being lived there. One day he just left. On his bicycle. And ended up at a shelter in the city. From there he moved from shelter to shelter and later to living outside with friends in different parts of the city.

One of those friends he met in one of those shelters was Mike. Mike had been a furniture mover for over 25 years, but had become dissatisfied and disillusioned after the company was taken over by new ownership. Soon after that he made a decision to stop working and to live differently. That was in 2007…about the same time that D.M.E. had left his brother’s house. The two men struck up a friendship, moved to the same shelters and eventually to living outside in camps around Kansas City. And today they are still setting up camp together in the heat and the cold and in the rain and the snow.

And then there’s Jay. Jay is much younger and is a girl in her early twenties. She has recently bonded with Dennis and Mike and has been asked to join their camp. Jay has been living this kind of life for about five years since being kicked out of the house by her mother. Jay and her mom had a troubled relationship stemming from bipolar issues and just plain butting heads. After being kicked out of her house, Jay graduated from high school. And, shortly thereafter, she was hopping trains and traveling around the U.S. She lived in New Mexico for awhile and, more recently, Missouri.

Sitting in the reception area of Redemption Church on that Sunday morning with the three, freshly-showered friends, it was surprising how normal they looked. Shorts, ball caps, Air Jordans, clean clothes, positive attitudes and looking forward to telling a bit of their stories. Quite frankly, this is something they hear often, “You don’t look homeless.” And the three of them wonder…what does homeless look like? By that, are outsiders expecting homeless people to be filthy, unkempt, disgusting, vulgar and socially backwards??

And I think the answer to that is…probably. And some are. But not all. The stereotypes and misconceptions of those who do not live like Mike, Dennis and Jay do (which, face it, is most of the people on the planet) bother them. Some of those misconceptions? Besides what we already mentioned, the friends agree that mainstream individuals see or hear of a lot of homeless people doing bad things, so that is the way they see all of them Or when there is down time, they might be just standing around talking, much like other people, but when it’s them it is called loitering. And seen as dangerous and/or illegal.

So this is the dilemma. Why can’t we all get along? Why can’t we respect one another and our differences? It is very hard for us human beings to embrace people and ideas that are different than we are. We like to feel comfortable so we surround ourselves with what we know and like. We like to be in control of our environment, and so we take steps to avoid the unknown or the messy or things we don’t understand. It is safer for us that way. If we do this, we do not have to confront our biases or our ignorance or our limitations. And if we don’t see those people on the margins, then it is quite easy to pretend that they are not there. That, I’m afraid, is exactly what we are witnessing in the United States today. Hatred for migrants who want to come here for a better life, hatred for those whose skin is a different color, hatred for those who speak a different language, hatred for the homeless, hatred for those who choose a same-sex partner and hatred for those with differing political views.

The truth is that even though our stories are all very different, we are more alike than we realize. For example, D.M.E. and I both adore the color blue and love to eat beef and noodles over mashed potatoes. Mike’s favorite novel is A Wrinkle in Time and so is mine. He also loves the Denver Broncos, like many of you, and the color maroon. Jay is crazy about Ramen Noodles (who isn’t) and the color greenish-yellow. And they are creative and innovative (they have to be) and helpful and kind and share the gift of hospitality. (They have given me a warm invitation to visit their home.)

When asked to tell me something about themselves that people would be surprised to know, this is what came to light: Jay said, “I studied Quantum Theory in high school.” Dennis said, “I treated and cared for patients at the Ossawatomie State Hospital.” And Mike, with a bit of a smile, said, “I can take everything in your house (no matter what size) and get it in a 54-foot moving trailer.”

Living life on the edge is hard. And challenging. And dangerous…even though, say the three friends, Kansas City offers a variety of services and resources for the homeless.

Their lives now intertwine, but the future may hold something different. D.M.E. wants to live this lifestyle for two more years and then get a house or apartment. Mike said that there’s nothing he would change about his life right now. And Jay is young, so who knows what possibilities await her.

My take-away from talking with Dennis, Mike and Jay is this…they want others to see them the same way they view everybody else. And I am left wondering, who wouldn’t want to be friends with a guy who said his best quality is being a good friend and a sincere listener (Dennis)? Who wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who said his best quality is helping people (Mike)? And who wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who says her best quality is her stamina to do all the things that need doing in this life she has chosen (Jay)?

I’m glad that these three friends are a part of my life. I am a better person because of them. And, hopefully, they are better people because of me. We share differences and similarities. But most of all, we share being human.

Will You See Them?